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Introducing Slughurf or What You Get When Your Toy Animals Get Frisky With Each Other June 26, 2009

Posted by life2d in humour, Uncategorized.
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I have three toys. Well, I actually have more like 29073, but for these particular three I don’t have to pretend that they were acquired with the children in mind. So, anyway, I have three toys I keep in a Christmas gift bag in my closet. First there is The Frog:

'How YOU doing?!'

'How YOU doing?!'

The girls have bought this for me at some point, knowing I like frogs and thinking a big headed flirty frog was just what I needed.

'SAY WHAT?!!!'

'SAY WHAT?!!!'

Oh, you weren’t trying to hit on me? So sorry, must’ve missread the ‘come hither’ look in your eyes and wiggly eyebrows…

Then, there is The Giraffe:

'Aren't I just the cuddliest?!'

'Aren't I just the cuddliest?!'

He joined us one summer from the San Diego Zoo. Saw him in the gift shop and HAD to have him; so I bought him. What? Haven’t YOU ever walked away with a $12 souvenir? Anyway, moving on…

Then came The Snail, a stocking stuffer from Santa:

'Help, I'm falling!'

'Help, I'm falling!'

It is a Playmobil 1-2-3 toddler toy that comes with a little baby to sit and rock on him. It is also a rattle. He’s very cute and I wish they had all these 1-2-3 toys when my kids were little. They were just coming out with them back then and all we had were two people, a girl and a boy, that my daughter would take with her everywhere. I wonder what happened to those? I must look for them…

Uh, right. Back to the original story. So, these are my three toys. The toys that were spending a little too much time together in a bag. In the closet. Most of the time in the dark.

I’ve never seen my daughter’s eyes quite so big and the look of disbelief on her face when we showed her this:

'Hi there!'

'Hi there!'

 She was just mouthing ‘How?’ over and over, shaking her head in amazement, while having difficulty breathing from laughing so hard. ‘What IS that????’ was the first thing that came out of her mouth once she had recovered her power of speech. Good question! It has the shape of The Snail, but it has The Frog’s eyes and also the texture and coloring of The Giraffe. So, what is it? Apparently it’s a Slughurf. They are a rare species, but they are out there. If you want to prevent having to deal with a Slughurf infestation, I recommend not keeping your frogs, giraffe and snail toys cooped up in a bag in the closet all winter long. Freaky things could happen.

'HUH???'

'HUH???'

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Protected: The day my husband let down our daughters May 27, 2008

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Protected: Step away from my head, child! / Nu mă atinge! May 21, 2008

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Protected: Scarce today May 7, 2008

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Protected: Could be a curse… May 6, 2008

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Protected: Mommy to the rescue / Dă la mama să fixeze! April 24, 2008

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Protected: Parenting: not for the weak of heart! April 23, 2008

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I am so HIGH right now… April 18, 2008

Posted by life2d in humour, remodel.
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…on paint fumes, that I get around the house by bouncing along the ceiling! 😆 I don’t even seem to care anymore that there is no more room on my right hand to stick band-aids. And if this post does not make any sense, wait…what?

Have you ever… / Vi sa întîmplat vreodată… April 15, 2008

Posted by life2d in bilingual, humour, random, Romanian.
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…got a paper cut under your nail? No??? Me neither. That would be silly! 😀

All I’m gonna say is Ouch!

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…să vă tăiaţi cu o hîrtie sub unghie? Nu??? Nici mie! 😀

Tot ce mai am de zis e AU!!

Letter to my daughter / Scrisoare adresată fetiţei mele April 4, 2008

Posted by life2d in bilingual, humour, parenting, Romanian.
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Dear 1stMissLife,

 After last night’s massage session, I feel compelled to point out that life with you is not such a walk in the park for me. Oh, no…It’s more like a run on a strech of quicksand!… That also happens to be a mine field!… In the middle of a tornado!!!

I guess it occured to you, last night, that it might be sounding ridiculous, when in the same breath you demanded “NOT HARD ENOUGH!!!… TOO HARD!!!” while ordering me the way to massage your back. You collapsed into a fit of laughter so severe, that it made me start tearing up from laughter too, which, in turn made me pause massaging you. And even though you couldn’t even draw a breath from laughing so hard, let alone speak, your whole being was screaming “LAUGH & RUB, WOMAN! LAUGH & RUB!!!!!”

Loving every crazy minute with you,

Your mom

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Draga mea fetiţă,

După experienţa de aseară din timpul masajului tău, aş vrea să clarific faptul că viaţa cu tine, departe de a fi o plimbare relaxantă într-un parc, e mai mult ca o alergătură pe o plajă cu nisipuri mişcătoare!…Care se întîmplă să fie şi minată!…Şi e şi în timpul unui uragan!!!!

Cînd cu aceeaşi răsuflare mi-ai cerut “APASĂ TARE!!!…NU APĂSA TARE!!!” în timpul masajului, bănuiesc că te-a izbit faptul că nu ai putea suna mai ridicol, nici dacă ai încerca. Aşa că ai început să rîzi cu atîta poftă că m-ai făcut şi pe mine să rîd pînă mi-au dat lacrimile, oprindu-mă în mijlocul masajului. Şi deşi nici nu aveai puterea să îţi tragi răsuflarea de rîs, toată fiinţa ta îmi striga fără cuvinte “RÂZI ŞI MASEAZĂ, FEMEIE!!! RÂZI ŞI MASEAZĂ!!!”

Cu dragoste pentru fiecare minut în prezenţa ta,

Mama